Turducken

Disclaimer: Do not read this entry if you are a vegetarian, are considering becoming a vegetarian, or are uncomfortable hearing others brag about great meals they’ve had.

Some of you have heard of this scrumptious delicacy. The rest of you have been missing out. A Turducken is quite simply the answer for everyone who can't decide what meat to serve for a family get-together. Instead of picking between turkey, duck, or chicken, you can just stuff the chicken inside the duck, and the duck inside the turkey. Add three types of stuffing and you've got a Turducken! Clever, huh? (The stuffings, by the way, were sausage-based, cornmeal-based, and good old Stove Top, respectively.)

I recently ate my first Turducken - and where else, but at my first Turducken party! It was held in a somewhat remote off-campus house affectionately referred to as "Shantytown." It was such an important occasion that the party was known as the Shantytown Formal.

Here were some highlights:

- Numerous conversations inevitably gravitating towards the all-important question: Is there any animal combination better than the Turducken? The best answer so far is the Whimp, which starts with a whale, throws in a list of at least a dozen exotic choice meats, and finally concludes with the lovable, if miniature, shrimp.

- Because every formal must have formal photos, people went off in pairs and posed with a plastic snowman. Great costumes included a “Where’s the Beef?” hat and matching muumuus.

- Due to the incredible amount of Turducken that I consumed in a very short time, I craved fluids so much that a friend and I left the party, drove back to campus, picked up a total of 120 ounces of Gatorade just for the two of us, and then returned to Shantytown.

- It’s not a Shantytown Formal if there isn’t BB gun shooting. Because this house is nestled in the woods, there’s a prime shooting area, complete with tomato soup cans in which to slowly break holes. One particular marksman gave it his all while wearing a hat left over from a Kentucky Derby party.

This party was an instant classic and hopefully it quickly becomes a tradition. A few caring culinary souls spent their entire Saturday and Sunday preparing and cooking the feast, and the food turned out to match the atmosphere.

I can’t wait for a Whimp Formal.